It Ain’t Easy Being A Love Addict

by Louise, a former love addict

Would you EVER get engaged to a guy you have only known for a few weeks, even if he takes you on the most amazing breathtakingly romantic road trips and professes his undying love?

When he ghosts you, would you do everything in your power to talk to him to ensure he is okay even though his boss tells you he is standing in front of him loading his truck (clearly for a road trip without you this time!)?

When he eventually returns your frantic texts and calls, saying he is sorry but his love for you is so overwhelming that he got scared, do you forgive him and agree to meet him to help him process these feelings and show him how much you love him?

And when he disappears again, does it take you two years to get over the loss and heartbreak?

Would you EVER start a long-distance relationship with someone you randomly meet on a dating site because you think weekends away from the big city could be good for your romantic soul?

Would you continue the relationship when you don’t feel you have much in common with him but let him wear you down because he “really” loves you like no one has ever loved you before?

When you are well and truly hooked and find out he is cheating on you, do you forgive him because it can’t be easy for him having someone he loves so much living in another town?

EXHAUSTING isn’t it!

It sure is! So if you NEVER would, you’re probably A-okay in the self-esteem and love department.

If you’ve done it once, but NEVER again, you’re improving in those departments and are clearly a quick learner.

Yet, how many of us have put ourselves in these situations, time and time again? WHY? There are all kinds of explanations and justifications, but let’s just cut to the chase here. If you answered “YES”, then you are clearly engaging in some type of pathological love – and could in

fact even be a LOVE ADDICT.

We’ve all heard about addicts. Alcohol Addicts. Drug Addicts. Sex Addicts. Gambling Addicts.

Nicotine Addicts. Food addicts. Codeine Addicts. And so it goes ...

But how many of us really know about Love Addicts? While it hasn’t been classified as a mental health disorder (yet...), it really is a thing, according to numerous reputed psychological disciplines, and is surprisingly common.

So, WHAT is it?

According to Psychology Today, there is no consensus on the diagnostic criteria for love addiction, or what kind of disorder it might be. Suggestions include it being part of an impulse-control disorder or a mood disorder. Others believe it belongs to the obsessive-compulsive spectrum, with the obsession being related to a love object rather than cleanliness concerns.

While it seems on the surface to be more of a preoccupation with love, new thinking suggests that it could be an ADDICTION.

What… you must be kidding?

Addiction is broadly described as “ingestion of a chemical substance, craving, tolerance, withdrawal, desire to stop using but not being able to, and impairment in daily functioning” – sounds like love addiction to me, perhaps minus the chemical substance. But the high of being ‘in love’ works on the same brain pathways as chemical substance addiction and the resultant behaviors and distress are just like those of any chemical addiction.

So maybe we’re on to something here.

According to The Ranch Treatment Centers, for one, 3 to 10% of the population are grappling with some form of pathological love – and that’s what love addiction is. Definitions range from

... Love Addiction is a desperate need to find someone to love that is fueled by the irrational fear of being alone or being rejected.

Love addiction is a “pattern of behavior characterized by a maladaptive, pervasive and excessive interest towards one or more romantic partners, resulting in lack of control, renouncing of other interests, and other negative behaviors”.

Take your pick, none of them sound like much fun.

And, whatever it is or isn’t, it sucks!

Are YOU a Love Addict?

• Do you have an overwhelming fear of being alone?

• Do you obsess about having a relationship?

• Do you have an excessive need for contact with your partner?

• Do you lack self-identity outside of the relationship?

• Do you experience feelings of worthlessness when not in a relationship?

• Do you lose interest in work, activities, and friendships when in a relationship?

• Are you attracted to emotionally unavailable people?

If you answer Yes to most of these, there is a chance that you are suffering from Love Addiction, according to PsychCentral.

On the bright side…

There is help available.

Psychotherapy, workshops, group therapy, and support groups can all be effective in helping to change problematic patterns.

And, perhaps, best of all there’s Co-Dependents Annonymous (CODA) – a sister group of the global Alcoholics Annonymous. It’s also very likely that the love addiction is a ‘co-morbidity’ of another more traditional addiction like alcohol – so addressing that addiction would be the essential first step in getting to the maybe less-life-threatening but equally debilitating love addiction.

That was certainly the case with me... It’s a long road but it’s worth it!

You’re worth it!